The Ultimate Guide to Strap-On Sex for First Timers

Are you looking to spice up the sex life in a kinky and more intimate way? Consider the playful, erotic and sexy allure of strap on dildo play. It’s not as simple as just adding a dildo into foreplay, strap-on sex is a fully encompassed sex act with many different factors, functions and styles to consider.

So if you’re considering trying it for the first time, grab your partner and dive in to this beginners guide and first timers tutorial provided by our friend and Sexpert extraordinaire, Mayla Green.

Mayla knows her stuff better than anyone as she just happens to be a sex shop owner who is intimately familiar with strap on harnesses and the dildos that work best with them. View the full selection of strap on dildos at TheAdultToyShop to select the right harness for you and your partner – only after you know the ins & outs of strap on play (pun intended, haha.) Okay so let’s go!

• Why Consider Strap-On Play?

Strap-on dildos open up a world of possibilities for individuals and couples looking to explore their sexual fantasies and desires. They have evolved into sophisticated intimate products designed for people of all genders and sexual orientations.

Far from being limited to one demographic, these versatile toys serve couples dealing with erectile dysfunction or individuals exploring role reversal. Whether you’re looking to add more fun to your sex life, experiment with gender roles, or simply try something new, strap ons are a versatile tool that can adapt to different bodies and preferences.

With so many styles and options available, there’s a strap-on out there to help you and your partner explore, connect, and enjoy your bodies in exciting new ways.

• How a Strap-on Harness Works

Harnesses come in a range of styles, from simple adjustable straps to more elaborate designs that offer extra support and a secure fit for the wearer. They all work differently, strap ons are not just a “one size fits all” sex toy you can put on your body, the combination of harness, dildo and ways to use it with a strap on differs depending on the style and it’s intended purpose.

The way the harness fits your body and how the dildo attaches—whether through O-rings, snaps, or built-in slots—can affect how much control you have and how natural the experience feels.

Materials also play a key role: latex and PVC harnesses are popular for their durability and affordability, while silicone options are often recommended for their body-safe, comfortable feel.

The right combination of harness and strap-on design ensures that both the wearer and their partner can focus on pleasure and connection, rather than worrying about awkward adjustments or discomfort.

• Most Popular Harness Designs:

• Traditional Belt-Style Harnesses

Belt-style harnesses feature adjustable waist and leg straps, typically made from leather, fabric, or synthetic materials. The dildo attaches through O-rings that accommodate different dildo base sizes. These harnesses offer the most customizable fit, with sizing from XS to 5X and waist measurements extending up to 65 inches for inclusive wear.

• Jockstrap-Style Harnesses

Inspired by athletic wear, jockstrap-style harnesses provide robust support through wide waistbands and secure leg straps. The dildo typically sits in a top-loaded pouch, creating a stable and close-to-body feel that many users find more natural than traditional belt styles.

• Boxer Brief Harnesses

Boxer brief harnesses eliminate the complexity of buckles and multiple straps by resembling regular underwear. They feature flat seams, elastic waistbands, and built-in pouches or O-rings for dildo attachment. This design offers exceptional comfort for extended wear and appeals to users seeking discretion.

• Panty-Style Harnesses

Panty-style harnesses blend functionality with aesthetic appeal, featuring lace details, crotchless designs, and tailored fits that resemble lingerie. These harnesses cater to users who value erotic styling alongside performance, often incorporating decorative elements that enhance visual appeal during intimate moments.

• Comfort and Fit

When it comes to choosing a strap on, comfort and fit are essential for making your experience enjoyable and stress-free.

A harness that fits well gives the wearer more control, allowing for smoother movement and better connection with your partner. Look for harnesses crafted from soft, body-friendly materials like latex or PVC, which not only feel good against the skin but are also easy to clean after use.

• Adjustable straps are a must—they let you customize the fit to your unique body shape, ensuring the harness stays secure without digging in or slipping during play. 

• The fabric of the harness can make a big difference, too; breathable, flexible materials help prevent irritation, especially during longer sessions.

By prioritizing comfort and fit, individuals can focus on pleasure and intimacy, making every moment with your strap on more satisfying for both the wearer and their partner.

• Fetish Fantasy and Role-Playing

For those who love to explore their fantasies, strap ons open up a world of possibilities for dildo fetish play and role-playing scenarios. Whether you’re interested in lesbian role-play, power dynamics, or simply want to try something new with your partner, there’s a strap on dildo to match your desires.

Realistic dildo designs can make your experience feel more authentic, while options with extra stimulation—like vibrating features or textured attachments—add another layer of excitement.

Some strap ons, such as double-ended models, allow both partners to enjoy stimulation at the same time, making your play even more interactive. Don’t be afraid to experiment with different harnesses and attachments to find the perfect combination for your fantasies.

• Added Stimulation Methods

For those looking to take their pleasure to the next level, many strap ons now feature innovative methods for added stimulation.

• Vibrating strap-ons can provide thrilling sensations for both partners, while textured surfaces and special attachments are designed to stimulate the clitoris or other erogenous zones during play. Some toys are made from materials that quickly adjust to body temperature, enhancing comfort and sensation. 

• Glow-in-the-dark options are also available, making play more exciting in the dark. Some harnesses even include built-in features that press against the wearer’s body, making every movement more pleasurable.

• Curved strap-on dildos are great for G-spot stimulation for a female receiver, or prostate stimulation if used on men during pegging sex.

• Hollow strap-ons feature an open-ended sleeve design that allows insertion of the wearer’s own penis. These models primarily address erectile dysfunction challenges while providing extended length and girth options for enhanced penetration experiences.

1. Chin-mounted dildos attach via adjustable head straps. This unique design enables simultaneous oral and penetrative pleasure, creating complex sensation patterns that many users find highly stimulating. The hands-free operation allows the wearer to focus on other forms of stimulation.

• Insertable Length and Size Options

Strap ons come in a wide range of insertable lengths and sizes, so you can find the perfect fit for your preferences and comfort level. Whether you’re a beginner looking for something slim and manageable or you want to work your way up to a larger size, there’s a strap on for every stage of your journey.

Some sets include multiple dildos with different lengths and textures, allowing you and your partner to experiment and enjoy extra stimulation as you explore what works best for you. The right size can make all the difference for both the wearer and the receiver, ensuring that every experience is pleasurable and satisfying. Take your time to read product descriptions and consider what will make you and your partner feel most comfortable and excited to play.

• FAQ

• Are strap-ons suitable for anal play?

Yes, many strap on dildos are excellent for anal play when they feature flared bases and firm, body safe materials. The key requirements include a wide base that prevents the toy from slipping internally, smooth surfaces without sharp edges, and non-porous materials that can be thoroughly cleaned. Start with smaller sizes and use generous amounts of anal-specific lubricant for safe and comfortable experiences.

• How do I choose the right size strap-on?

Start with smaller dimensions around 4-6 inches in length and 1.25-1.5 inches in diameter, especially for beginners or anal play. Consider your partner’s experience level, anatomy, and preferences when selecting size. You can always progress to larger options over time, but starting conservatively ensures comfort and builds confidence. Remember that girth often matters more than length for sensation and comfort.

• What’s the best material for strap-on dildos?

Medical-grade silicone offers the optimal combination of safety, comfort, and durability for most users. It’s non-porous, hypoallergenic, easy to clean, and responsive to body temperature. Glass and stainless steel provide alternative options for users seeking different sensations or temperature play capabilities. Avoid porous materials like jelly, rubber, or cheap plastics that can harbor bacteria.

• How do I clean and maintain my strap-on?

Clean silicone dildos with warm water and mild soap after each use, or boil them for complete sterilization if they don’t contain electronic components. Harnesses typically require machine washing or hand washing depending on materials – leather harnesses need special leather cleaners while fabric ones can go in the washing machine. Always allow components to dry completely before storage to prevent bacterial growth.